💀DAY65: "A thousand splendid sun"

06-03-2026 | Day 16 of Ramadan

Hii… ki haal?
Din kaise chal rahe hain? Aaj saal ke 66 days ho gye hai

Aur haan… again I’m writing the blog 2 days late. But life bhi toh aisi hi hoti hai na — sometimes happy, sometimes heavy. Aur aaj ka din bhi kuch aisa hi tha.

Happy moments bhi the… lekin sach kahu toh aaj mera dil sad wali side par zyada tha.

Mujhe ek observation karni hai:
kya main apne period cycle ke time hi zyada emotional ho jaati hoon?
Kabhi kabhi lagta hai hormones bhi insaan ke emotions ke saath ek silent game khelte hain.

Friday evening, I was reading the book A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.

Aur usme Mariam ke saath jo zulm hota hai… woh padhkar dil toot gaya. Gussa bhi aaya. Dard bhi hua.

Uska husband Rasheed usse pathar khilata hai kyunki usse khana pasand nahi aaya… aur kyunki Mariam ek bachcha paida nahi kar paati.

Us waqt mujhe laga…
kya kuch log aurat ko sirf ek machine samajhte hain?

Aurat bhi toh insaan hai.
Ek phool hai.

Allah ne hume bhi utni hi mohabbat se banaya hai jitni ek mard ko.

Lekin phir bhi… duniya ke kuch log aurat ko sirf “child bearing machine” samajh lete hain.

Aur yeh baat sirf kitaabon mein nahi hai.
Maine apni life mein bhi aise log dekhe hain.

💀isi liye mujhe marriage ka fear hai.

Mujhe lagta hai pyaar shuru mein bahut khoobsurat hota hai.
Lekin kuch waqt baad… log apna asli chehra dikha dete hain.

Maine abhi life mein bahut bade experiences nahi kiye.
But jo thoda bahut dekha hai… usne mujhe cautious bana diya.

Main kisi ki ghulam nahi banna chahti.
Main nahi chahti koi mujhe control kare… mujhe restrict kare… ya mujhe tod de.

Aur shayad mera darr yehi hai —
kahin jo dar main feel kar rahi hoon… woh kabhi sach na ban jaaye.

Aaj main itna overthink kar rahi thi ki main baith kar kuch likh bhi nahi paa rahi thi.

Jab story mein woh scene aaya… meri aankhon se aansu nikal aaye.

Aur tab mujhe apni Ammi yaad aayi.

Meri Ammi — Tara.

Pehle mujhe pata hi nahi tha ki ek aurat ki zindagi mein kitne dard, kitni zimmedariyan hoti hain.

Lekin aaj… thoda thoda samajh aata hai.

Main un par proud hoon.
Unhone mujhe janam diya.
Aur mere Abbu ne hume achhe school mein padhaaya… achhi zindagi dene ki koshish ki.

Aur mujhe yaad aaya — kuch din pehle maine gusse mein socha tha ki main unhe dhoka de dungi.

Us baat ka mujhe bahut regret hua.

Haan, kabhi kabhi woh mujh par chillate hain…
lekin sach toh yeh hai — woh mujhse pyaar karte hain.

Aur main bhi unse pyaar karti hoon.

Aur sach kahu… mujhe kisi aur ajnabi mard ke saath kahin jaana bhi nahi hai.

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai Allah mujhe lessons sikha rahe hain.

Hard lessons.
Emotional lessons.

But maybe… zaroori lessons.

Aur aaj ke end par, main bas yeh kehna chahti hoon:

Main zinda hoon.
Main grateful hoon.

Allah ne mujhe jo log diye hain… jo zindagi di hai… uske liye shukr.

Aur meri dua sirf itni si hai:

Ya Allah, mujhe hamesha aapki raza mein raazi rehne ki taqat dena.

— Safarnama 🌙