13.08.2026

Hello Guys… ❤️

So aaj subah uthte hi, bina nahaye, chai aur pulao khaya aur Abbu ke saath eye hospital nikal gayi. 😭😂

Dua padhte-padhte saare tests karwaye and Alhamdulillah, meri dono eyes bilkul good hain. Bas ab mujhe thoda khud ka aur apni eyes ka dhyaan rakhna hai.

Uske baad same route par mere cousin bhai ki new shop open hui hai, toh main aur Abbu wahan bhi visit karne gaye. Shop rent par hai aur woh pehle attar aur perfumes sell karte the, but ab newly cosmetics bhi add kiye hain. Allah unki shop mein barkat de... his journey really inspired me..

Wahan Abbu aur bhai baat kar rahe the. Kisi topic par woh dono literate logon aur common sense ke baare mein baat kar rahe the—ki kabhi-kabhi jo log padh-likh jaate hain, unmein common sense nahi hota. Aur mujhe pata tha ki indirectly target main hi hoon.

Honestly, mujhe bahut bura laga. Gussa bhi aaya.

Kabhi-kabhi mujhe lagta hai ki mere parents mujhse kabhi proud nahi honge, chahe main kuch bhi kar loon. Aur I know mujhe kya karna chahiye aur kya nahi. Main ye bhi jaanti hoon ki meri personality mein flaws hain, mera self-control bhi bahut kam hai… but kisi ko baar-baar low feel karana ya unhe bura feel karwana bhi sahi nahi hai.

Anyways, maine sab kuch jaldi se bhulne ki koshish ki aur Abbu ke saath baatein karte hue ghar aa gayi.

Aur bhaiiii… baarish! Full baarish ho rahi thi. 🌧️ Bheeg kar surprisingly bahut accha laga mujhe. It felt like thoda sa mind bhi wash ho gaya. Ghar aakar nahayi, khana khaya aur kuch time chill kiya.

Phir Chand aur meri thodi der baat hui. Accha laga usse baat karke. Uske baad main walk par nikal gayi.

Main mostly garden jaati hoon because wahan jaakar mujhe thoda peaceful feel hota hai. But aaj mujhe lag raha tha ki shayad mujhe jaana hi nahi chahiye tha. Main relax hone gayi thi, but meri khud ki thoughts mujhe itna disturb kar rahi thi ki mujhe khud samajh nahi aa raha tha ki mere saath ho kya raha hai.

I think I'm making my own life and my own days harder than they need to be.

Main swing par baith kar baar-baar try kar rahi thi ki kuch na sochu… bas chup-chaap swing karu aur enjoy karu. But mera dimaag ruk hi nahi raha tha. Itna soch rahi thi ki mujhe chakkar jaise aane lage. So I quietly got up and ghar aa gayi. Thandi hawa ke alawa aaj kuch bhi accha nahi lag raha tha.

Ghar aakar thoda rest kiya. Blog likhne ki bhi try ki, but honestly, kuch likha hi nahi gaya.

Dinner mein noodles bane the, toh woh khaye. And then I wrote a letter to myself.

Uske baad main Lala ke saath baithi aur usse bola ki mere saath movie dekhe. We watched The Last House.

Movie acchi thi. Mujhe laga tha ending kuch aur better hogi, but kuch khaas nahi hua. Mujhe honestly aur dekhna tha—did they actually find the home? What happened after that? 😭

But paani mein hi movie khatam kar di. However, movie ka jo part mujhe sabse zyada pasand aaya, woh parents wala tha. The way parents were working so hard for their children, just so that their children could survive and have a better life.

And somewhere, maybe I realised that main bhi apne parents ka woh side properly dekh nahi paa rahi hoon because of my own anger and aggression.

Maybe I'm so busy feeling hurt that I sometimes forget that they have their own way of caring.

I don't want to talk too much about this or tell anyone that I'm feeling this way because, honestly, mujhe khud lagta hai ki main hi wrong hoon.

But at the same time… I don't want to be treated like I'm a bad person either.

I know I have problems.

I know I need to work on myself.

I know I need more self-control.

I know my reactions can hurt people.

But I also know one thing— I'm not a bad person. Bas meri ek hi request hai. Understand me, and I promise I'll understand you even more beautifully.

Maybe I just need someone to see beyond my anger, my aggression and my mistakes.

Because somewhere beneath all of that… I'm still me. And I'm still trying. ❤️

Allhumdulillah 

-Safarnama