😭153: 03-06-2026: I think Im Adulting..

Hii..

Kya likhu, kaise shuru karu... kuch samajh nahi aa raha hai. Maybe because aaj ka din normal tha, lekin mere andar bahot kuch chal raha tha. Kabhi kabhi lagta hai mai sach mai adulthood phase mai enter kar rahi hu.

Har saal jab bhi mai pehli baarish dekhti thi, toh ek alag hi excitement hoti thi. Mai khush ho jaati thi, balcony mai bhaag jaati thi, baarish mai bheegne ka mann karta tha, aur dil bilkul ek chhote bacche ki tarah dance karta tha.

But...

Aaj kuch alag tha.

Subah Ammi mujhe uthane ki koshish kar rahi thi aur honestly mai aadhi neend mai hi thi. Maine aankhein khole bina hi poocha,

"Ammi, baarish ho rahi hai?"

Unhone kaha, "Haan."

Lekin mai turant uthkar bhaagi nahi. Mai wahi bed par leti rahi. Sabse pehle maine apna phone uthaya, notifications check kiye, phir subah subah ek dost se thodi der baat ki. Uske baad mai balcony ki taraf gayi.

Wahan khadi hokar maine heavy rain dekhi. Baarish ki awaaz... Chhaton par girti boondein... Neeche logon ki awaazein... Aur mere dimaag ke andar chalti hui hazaar thoughts. Maine apna haath aage badhaya aur kuch pal ke liye baarish ko mehsoos kiya. Phir dil se ek dua maangi... woh wali dua jo sirf Allah aur Mere dil ke beech hoti hai. Aur phir mai chupchaap wapas andar aa gayi. (Mujhe yaad bhi nahi what I wish .. I was not on good mental state.Hope kuch sahi dua hi mangi rahu mai)

Pata nahi kyun, lekin aaj baarish dekhkar excitement se zyada sukoon mehsoos hua.

Uske baad maine naha kar office ke liye ready hona start kiya. Guys, aaj mai late ho gayi... aur uska reason thi Ammi. 😭

Lunch ready karte karte unhe thoda time lag gaya aur phir naturally mai bhi late ho gayi. Waise mujhe unpe gussa nahi aata. Woh khud itna kaam karti hai ki kabhi kabhi unka late hona bhi valid lagta hai.

Office pahochkar maine news padhna start kiya.

Aaj padha ki CBSE ke online exams ko lekar continuously warnings aa rahi hai because of technical glitches faced by students. Aur koi nayi head member bhi appoint hui hai, naam yaad nahi aa raha but she is an IAS officer. Waooo...Sach kahu toh mujhe dil se lagta hai ki India ki education system mai improvement aana chahiye. Education quality bhi better honi chahiye aur fees bhi affordable honi chahiye. Talent har ghar mai hota hai, opportunities nahi.

Uske baad aaj office mai lunch bhi bahot accha tha. Woh simple sa happy wala lunch. Kabhi kabhi khana bhi mood improve kar deta hai. 🤍Lekin aaj mere left leg mai bahot pain ho raha tha. Shayad long hours chair par baithne ki wajah se. Din bhar ek hi position mai rehna body ko bhi pasand nahi aata.

Shaam tak mera honestly kuch bhi karne ka mann nahi tha. Bas ghar jaana tha aur chup rehna tha. Lekin phir bhi maine apna remaining lecture dekha, kyunki consistency maintain karni thi.

Aur phir finally office chutti. Andheri pahochte hi mujhe turant bus mil gayi. Aur usse bhi badi baat...

Seat bhi mil gayi.  Kabhi kabhi Bus mai seat milna lottery jeetne jaisa lagta hai. Bus mai baithkar mai khidki ke bahar dekh rahi thi aur andar se bahot heavy feel kar rahi thi. Maine poori koshish ki Chand ko call na karu.

Lekin phir...Maine call kar hi diya.

Aur honestly, socho kaun hoga mera therapist? Chand.

Humne IPOs ke baare mai baat ki, padhai ki baat ki, random baatein ki. Phir usne poocha,"kya hua?"

Aur maine jhoot bol diya.Kyuki kuch baatein share karne ki himmat nahi hoti. Kuch emotions ko naam dena bhi mushkil lagta hai. Honestly, I dont know whats in my Mind. Toh maine topic hi change kar diya.

Ghar pahochte hi mai seedha bathroom ki taraf bhaagi aur phir Chand ka dubara call aa gaya.  Uske baad hum future trips aur birthdays ki planning karne lage. Ab woh plans kab reality banenge, Allah jaane.

Lekin daydream karne mai kya jaata hai?  Call around 8:00 p.m close hua aur uske baad maine padhai karne ki jagah junk food attack kar diya.

Chakli. Namkeen. Pepsi.

Aur bas.

Healthy lifestyle ne mujhe dur se hi bye bol diya. Jaise hi maine properly padhne ki koshish start ki...

Abbu aa gaye. Aur obviously unhone apna kaam de diya. Kabhi kabhi lagta hai Abbu ko sixth sense hoti hai ki mai padhne baithi hu. Maine unka kaam complete kiya, phir dinner kiya, phir dobara Abbu ka kaam complete kiya. Aur finally jab sab khatam hua toh mai wapas padhne baithi. Tabhi ek pyara sa notification aaya. 4lyfers par. Guess who? Sababeb. 

Thodi baat hui, hasi mazaak hua aur honestly mood halka sa better ho gaya.

Us waqt mujhe itni neend aa rahi thi ki aankhein band ho rahi thi. Lekin phir bhi maine khud ko push kiya, apna pending kaam complete kiya, aadha blog likha aur so gayi.

Aur ab...

Next day, 4th June ko baithkar ussi blog ko complete kar rahi hu. 

Honestly, pyara din tha. Perfect nahi tha. Productive bhi nahi tha.

Lekin pyara tha.

Aur shayad ab mai dheere dheere life mai ho rahi har cheez ko accept karna seekh rahi hu. Haan, mai har baar fail ho jaati hu. Har baar overthink karti hu. Har baar emotions mujhe hara dete hai. Lekin phir bhi...

Mai restart karti hu. Aur phir restart karti hu. Aur phir ek baar aur restart karti hu.

Shayad adulthood ka matlab bhi yahi hai. 🤍

Allhumdulilah dil se saccha wala.

Lots of Dua for my self and everone in this duniya

— safarnama 🌻