PART 1
Hi…
I know I’m late again sharing this blog. And honestly, I’m sorry.
Last night, I reached home around 12:05 a.m. I don’t even remember when I fell asleep… I was that tired. The kind of tired where even your thoughts don’t have energy left.
Date: 30-04-2026
The last day of April. And strangely, when I sat down to think about this month… I couldn’t clearly remember much. Except two things that stayed loud in my head:
Being late to the office… again and again.
My tracker… failed.
That’s it. Out of an entire month. So I thought, maybe this blog needs to be in two parts. Maybe I shouldn’t rush it. Maybe I should actually feel it while writing.
Let’s review the month…
I opened my last blog, just to see where I left off. A small recap never hurts… in fact, it makes the journey feel real. So… let’s begin.
Day 1
A new financial year. A fresh beginning… at least that’s what it’s supposed to feel like.
And somewhere in between, I wrote a poem. A random one. A personal one.
But something unexpected happened— People connected with it.
They liked it. Not just liked… they felt it.
And that moment?
It felt… wow.
Day 3
A message. A reminder. A small financial awakening. There was an old account from 2017. A scheme I had completely forgotten about. ₹26,036 sitting there quietly.
It felt strange—money waiting for me, while I had moved on without even noticing. I told myself, “I’ll take care of this. I should.”
Day 5
My niece… the bride-to-be. Her wedding just got fixed, and suddenly everything felt emotional. I saw her pictures—laughing, glowing, surrounded by aunties. She went to Banke Bihari Mandir. So happy. So full of life. And in that moment, I didn’t wish for anything complicated— Just one simple dua: May she always stay this happy.
Somewhere in between… Plans. Trips. Excitement.
We were supposed to go out… but then—rain. And with rain came cancellations. Tickets? Cancelled. Plans? Gone. And me? “Naahiiii…” That’s exactly how it felt. Still, somewhere inside, I prayed—
Ya Allah, please send rain again… but maybe next time, let me enjoy it too.
10th & 11th
After graduation… a small escape. The best part? Time spent with my chandyaasi. Simple moments. Laughing over nothing. Talking about everything. That kind of happiness doesn’t need planning. It just… happens.
The middle of the month
I won’t lie. There were moments where I felt good about myself. Like I was finally doing something right. But then… my own thoughts turned against me. I kept noticing the negatives. Overthinking things I shouldn’t. It’s strange, right? How even when things are okay… your mind can convince you they’re not.
The end of April
I was trying to get back on track. Trying. But life had something else planned.
I lost two people in my family. That kind of loss… doesn’t come with instructions.
All you can do is pray: Allah unhe jannat de. And somehow… keep going.
One of the hardest Sundays
I went to a relative’s house alone. For the first time. It doesn’t sound like a big deal. But it felt heavy.
Like something was missing. Like I was missing… a part of myself.
And then… slowly
Life moved again. I completed my first year as a graduate. A small milestone… but it mattered to me.
We had a happy dinner. A simple ending to a complicated month.
And now…
If I look back at April, it wasn’t perfect. Not even close.
There were delays. Mistakes. Loss. Overthinking.
But there was also love. Growth. Unexpected happiness. And one thing I realized—
Even after everything… I’m still here.
Still trying.
Still feeling.
Still writing.
Yesterday, after all of this… I truly enjoyed something. A simple moment, but it felt real.
And yes… one more thing. There was a fight again. But this time, I understood something deeply—
I may feel like I can’t live without some people… but I also know… I can build my life. Even if it’s hard.
Even if it takes time. And the most special part? They accepted me. With love.
PART 2
Part 2: The Day That Stayed
I don’t know exactly when it began… maybe somewhere between scrolling endlessly and trying to distract myself, or maybe in the silence I kept avoiding.
But something shifted.
Not loudly. Not dramatically. Just… enough to be felt.
And that day—30-04-2026— became something I know I won’t forget.
It started like any other office day. Same routine. Same rush. But there was a quiet excitement underneath it all— we had planned a get-together dinner. I told myself, “Today will be a good day.”And in many ways… it was. Morning passed gently.
Work, thoughts, small distractions.
But by evening, everything started to feel… alive. Around 6 PM, I got ready. There was this strange mix inside me— a little nervousness, a little happiness.
I wore white. Simple. Clean. Soft. With a hint of pink—subtle, but enough to make me feel… like myself. It didn’t feel like I was just getting ready for dinner. It felt like I was getting ready for a memory. When we reached the place, everything looked calm. Spacious. Elegant. Peaceful.
The lights were soft, the ambiance comforting. But inside me? Chaos. A migraine had been building since afternoon. Not just pain… pressure. The kind that sits quietly at first, and then slowly takes over everything. I tried to ignore it.
I smiled.
I stayed present.
I laughed when I had to.
But the discomfort didn’t leave. Still… I didn’t want to ruin the evening. At one point, it became harder. My body felt heavy. My mind… distant. So I stepped away.
Just for a moment— to breathe, to gather myself.
I didn’t know if I was physically unwell, or emotionally overwhelmed. Maybe both. And then… conversations. Unexpected ones. He asked simple questions— but they didn’t feel simple.
They stayed. I didn’t know how to answer fully.Not because I didn’t have answers… but because I had too many thoughts. Something felt unfamiliar. Not wrong. Just… new. I found myself thinking more than speaking.
And that feeling— of being surrounded by people, yet alone with your thoughts— it stayed with me.
But not everything felt heavy. There were moments… soft ones. Moments where I felt safe.
Not completely. Not fully. But enough. Enough to breathe without thinking.
His wife was there too—and somehow, that mattered. It brought balance.A quiet reassurance. Like a boundary that didn’t need to be spoken.
The night moved on. People talked. Laughed. But my mind kept drifting— in and out of the moment.
On the way back, I was dropped home. Such a simple thing.But it meant something. Care doesn’t always come in big gestures. Sometimes, it’s just… being there. And then came the silence. When I finally sat with myself, everything came rushing back.
The pain. The conversations. The emotions I didn’t fully process. All in one go. And that’s when I realized— I had gone through so much in just one day.
Physically.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
And still… I made it through.
I felt grateful. For the people around me. For the ones who hold my hand— sometimes literally, sometimes silently. For the moments that make me feel safe, even when I don’t understand anything else.
But gratitude wasn’t the only thing I felt. There was a truth sitting quietly beside it. A heavy one.
I know… I will have to leave all of this behind.
Soon.
And that thought? It hurts. Because these people— they became more than just “people.”
They became comfort. They became a part of my healing. The hardest day hasn’t come yet.
There’s still a decision waiting for me. A choice that will change everything.
To stay… or to walk away.
For something bigger. For my dreams. For my parents. For the life I’m trying to build.
I know I’ll cry. But I also know— I won’t stop.
Because some journeys don’t ask for comfort. They ask for courage. And maybe that’s what this is.
Not an ending. Not even a goodbye. Just… the beginning of something difficult, yet necessary.
Shukr-e-Khuda.
Alhamdulillah.
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