😠😠DAY 56: Today I feel angry- even I cry without my fault

25-02-2025 | Day 7 – Ramadan

Kal hi toh maine bola tha… “Finally routine mein aa gayi hoon.”

Aur bas, ek raat mein motivation ka janaza nikal gaya.

Subah sehri ke liye uthi, aankhon mein neend chipki hui thi. Namaz ada ki, dua

maangi… lekin dil aur body dono thak chuke the. Itni thakaan thi ki maine TL ko

aur office group mein message drop kiya — “I’ll not coming today.”

Aur phir?

Main wapas so gayi.

Kab uthi? 11 ya 12 baje ke aas paas. Matlab half day toh aise hi nikal gaya. Thoda

guilt bhi hua, par sach kahu toh body ko rest chahiye tha. Ramadan hai… roza bhi,

emotions bhi, responsibilities bhi — sab saath mein chal raha hai.

Naha kar namaz padhi. Aur phir pura din bas do cheezon mein nikal gaya —

Lala ki English exam ki tayari aur meri apni padhai.

Beech beech mein namaz.

Aur sach mein, Alhamdulillah, din productive tha. Ajeeb sa sukoon bhi tha. Jaise

Allah ne kaha ho, “Thoda dheere chal, main hoon na.”

Lekin… shaam hamesha thodi test le leti hai.

Isha ki namaz ke waqt Golu ki choti si galti. Maine bas itna hi kaha, “It’s your

fault.”

Aur pata nahi kaise baat badh gayi.

Daant mujhe padi.

Bina wajah.

Us moment mein mujhe laga — main thak gayi hoon. Logon se.

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai main sirf tab yaad aati hoon jab kisi ko kaam hota hai. Kaam

khatam, toh main bhi khatam.

Aur mujhe aise log pasand nahi.

Dil ne us waqt decide kar liya —

Bas. Ab dekhungi kuch din. Agar wahi ladai, wahi pattern chalta raha… toh main

peeche hat jaungi. Help karna band. Dil lagana band.

Waise bhi, already kitne trauma chal rahe hain.

Job ke log.

Bahar ke log.

Aur ab ghar mein bhi tension?

Mera dimaag ek battlefield ban chuka hai. Har taraf se thoughts attack kar rahe

hain. Negative vibes hi negative vibes.aur yeh ramadan mai kosish kar rahi hu sab

accha ho tho alag hi raiitha faila hua hai

Toh aaj maine ek aur decision liya —

Main un logon se baat hi nahi karungi jinke saath baat karne se sirf argument hota

hai.

Main chup rehna seekhungi.

Silence ko shield bana lungi.

Kabhi kabhi react na karna hi sabse bada reaction hota hai.

Ramadan ka 7th day…

Roza sirf pet ka nahi hota.

Roza zubaan ka bhi hota hai.

Aur shayad dil ka bhi.

Negative feelings hain, haan.

Lekin kahin na kahin ek choti si roshni bhi hai —

Ki shayad yeh month mujhe sirf sabr nahi, boundaries bhi sikha raha hai.

Aur main seekh rahi hoon.

Thoda toot kar.

Thoda chup reh kar.

Par seekh rahi hoon. ��

-safarnama