🪞DAY50: Day 1 of Ramadan

 19-02-2026 | Day 1 – Ramadan

Subah ka waqt tha. Sehri ki halki si roshni,  aur ghar ki woh sehri ka joosh sab mai jo sirf Ramadan ki subah mein hoti hai.

Main dastarkhan par baithi thi… saamne meri favourite Maggi rakhi thi. Haan, meri hi favourite. Par aaj maine use haath tak nahi lagaya.

Aaj maine thande chawal aur dal khayi. Chup chaap. Bina shor ke. Bina complain ke. Bina taste ke.

Aisa lag raha tha jaise andar koi janaza nikal raha ho. Khushi ka. Umeed ka. Ya shayad mera hi.

Abbu saamne the. Woh kuch bol nahi rahe the… par dekh rahe the.
Woh hamesha dekhte hain. Parents na, detectives hote hain emotions ke.

Unki aankhon mein sawal tha — “Kya hua?”
Aur meri aankhon mein jawab — “Bahut kuch.”
Par hum dono ne kuch nahi kaha.

Kabhi kabhi na… dil chahta hai koi bas gale laga le. Zor se. Itna zor se ke andar ki sari takleef cheekh kar bahar aa jaye. Aur woh sirf itna kahe —
“Main hoon na.”

Par shayad galti hamari bhi hai.
Hum kab unhe samajh paaye? Kab unke darr, unki thakan, unke sapne dekhe?
Jab hum unhe nahi samajh paaye, toh shayad hum yeh umeed kaise kar sakte hain ke woh humein poori tarah samajh lein…

Sehri halki thi. Dil usse bhi halka.
Maine niyat ki. Bas niyat.
Na namaz. Na durood. Na kitaab.

Aur phir main so gayi — mayus si.

Rozah shuru hua. Office ka routine shuru hua.
Din bhar main chalti rahi… kaam karti rahi… logon se baat karti rahi…

Shaam tak jaise meri battery automatically charge ho gayi. Mood on. Smile on.
Par raat ko jab akeli hui… ek realization ne dheere se darwaza khatkhataaya —

“Mere paas sab kuch hai… par main khud nahi hoon.”

Main kahaan kho gayi?
Woh ladki jo Ramadan ka pehla roza excitement se karti thi… jo sehri mein hasi karti thi… jo duaon ki list banati thi…

Main usse wapas chahti hoon.
Main khud ko wapas chahti hoon.

Shayad Ramadan marham isliye nahi lagata ke dard gayab ho jaye.
Shayad Ramadan dard ko saamne laata hai… taaki hum sach mein theek ho sakein.

Aur aaj ka sach yeh hai —
Main perfect nahi hoon.
Main toot rahi hoon thodi si.
Par main koshish karna chahti hoon.

Mujhe sirf ek cheez chahiye —
Na perfect life.
Na perfect log.

Bas yeh…
Ke main dobara se ek acchi insaan ban jaun.
Aur jab Allah mujhe dekhe, toh woh kahe — “Yeh meri bandi koshish kar rahi hai.” 🤍