🫶DAY 44: A Day where I Feel Special....

13-02-2026

So, baat kuch aisi hai ki main kaafi dino se ek confusion ke saath jee rahi hoon—job chhodun ya isi job mein rahi jaun. Reason bahot saare hain, par pareshani  yeh hai ki un reasons par main khud bhi clear nahi hoon. Kabhi lagta hai valid hain, kabhi lagta hai bas overthinking. Haan, maanti hoon, main thodi stupid bhi hoon—kyunki main bahot jaldi impulsive ho jaati hoon. Par phir bhi, I accept myself. Jo hoon, jaisi hoon, wahi hoon. Aur haan, I promise myself—main apna better version banne ki poori koshish karungi.

Is confusion ke beech maine ek strong decision le liya tha. Maine soch liya tha ki 13-02-2026 mera last day hoga office ka. Monday se nayi jagah, nayi shuruaat. Khatam. Tata. Bye-bye. Full dramatic exit.

Par sach kahun? Jab hum dimaag se soch rahe hote hain na, tab dil beech mein aa jaata hai. Aur phir sab kuch gadbad ho jaata hai. Aaj bhi wahi hua.

Aaj, is bhagam-bhag ke din mein, kisi ne mujhe special feel karwa diya. Boss ne introduce kiya. TL ne introduce kiya. Lunch ke time log bol rahe the, “Yeh boss ki ladli hai.” Chhoti-chhoti baatein hui, par un chhoti baaton mein itna pyaar tha ki mujhe laga—yeh log mujhe sirf employee ki tarah nahi, balki apne bachche ki tarah dekhte hain. Office mein har kisi ka behaviour aaj alag hi tha mere liye. Warm. Soft. Real. Roz bhi hota hai but aaj jyada hi hogya

Aur phir mera decision?
Wahi ka wahi. Main abhi bhi confused hoon. Abhi tak kisi last conclusion par nahi pahunchi hoon.

Isliye shayad ek hi solution hai—khud ko thoda aur time dena.
Market mein opportunities bhar-bhar ke hain. Par mujhe apni energy stress mein waste nahi karni. Mujhe apni energy lagani hai—khud ko improve karne mein, naye skills seekhne mein, naye concepts samajhne mein. Sabse zyada zaroori—khud ko dhoondhne mein.

Main kaun hoon?
Main kya chahti hoon?
Mujhe zindagi se actually chahiye kya?

Main hamesha kehti thi ki mujhe mood swings nahi hote. Kyunki mujhe “ladka banne” ka bada shauk tha—strong, practical, no emotions. Par aaj main proudly kehti hoon—
I’m a girl. A corporate lady.
Aur haan, mujhe mood swings hote hain.
Kabhi-kabhi main galat decisions bhi leti hoon.
Main ladti hoon.
Main confuse hoti hoon.

Aur shayad… yehi toh insaan hone ka sabse real part hai.

-safarnama.