💭DAY 29: Ek chutti, ek interview aur bahot saara overthinking — zindagi ka mini crisis

29-01-2026

They say your 20’s are supposed to be magical.
Energy se bhari hui, sapno se loaded, full of main kuch bada karungi vibes.
Par meri 20’s thodi zalim nikli.

Energy toh hai, haan. Par woh 15 rupay ke job mein jaa rahi hai.
Roz subah uth kar lagta hai jaise main apni hi battery kisi galat  jagah mein charge kar rahi hoon.
Very bad. Very very bad.
College mein jo sapne dekhe the, unmein yeh scene toh nahi tha.

Mujhe koi bada tag nahi chahiye. CEO, manager, boss-lady—kuch bhi nahi. Bas sukoon chahiye. Aisi job jahan kaam karke lage: haan, main grow kar rahi hoon… main khud ko develop kar rahi hoon.

Par ab normal dating toh ho nahi rahi zindagi se,toh socha company ke saath hi date kar loon. 2–3 saal loyal rehne ka plan bana liya. Par sach bolun?This is not meeeee.
Main yeh nahi hoon jo apni hi life se compromise kar ke “adjust” kar rahi hoon.

Isi soch mein raat ko neend nahi aati. Subah uthna aur mushkil ho jaata hai. Aur phir isi chakkar mein maine chhutti le li.

Confession time:
Kal maine office se half-day bunk karke haircut karwa li.
Aaj full chhutti.
Aur dimaag mein ek hi thought:
Yeh main kya reputation bana rahi hoon apni?
Main toh school-college mein bhi itni badmaash nahi thi.

Phir , isi mental chaos mein maine decide kiya:“Chalo, interview de hi dete hain.” Friend ke office mein gayi. Interest zero tha. Bas gayi kyunki mann bol raha tha: kuch toh move karo zindagi mein.

Aur wahan… sir hi alag the. Main soch rahi thi: yeh kya ho raha hai? Overthinking ka naam de kar ignore kar diya. Interview mein maine double salary bol di. Aur woh… ready ho gaye.

Bas phir kya. Khushi obvious thi. Par ghar aakar maine sab rewind kiya. Pros, cons, red flags, green flags—Teen ghante baith kar khud se meeting ki. Aur end mein ek hi decision: Nahi jaana.

Aur tab mujhe samajh aaya— Problem job nahi hai.Problem interview nahi hai. Problem salary bhi nahi hai.

Problem main hoon. Ya shayad woh phase jisme main hoon.

Mujhe samajh hi nahi aa raha meri life mein ho kya raha hai, kyun ho raha hai. Roz wahi confusion, wahi overthinking. Main zindagi jee nahi rahi… bas usko survive kar rahi hoon.

Sab kuch theek hai, technically. Par most of the time hum office mein hi toh hote hain. Toh thoda trauma toh banta hai na?

Itni uljhan ke baad bhi, andar kahin ek chhoti si awaaz hai jo bolti hai: “Sab theek hoga.”

Aur sabse zyada yakeen mujhe apne Allah par hai. Shayad yeh sab bhi ek imtihaan hai. Shayad yeh confusion bhi growth ka hissa hai.

Par mujhe pata hai— chahe kitna bhi andhera ho,main asmaan ko chhoone wali hoon.
Jald.
Bahut jald. ✨